THE CELLAR
DWELLERS
What follows is NOT the shooting script. It is a transcript of the actual
film itself. Unmodified screen shots from the film will be provided to give
you an idea of the movie.
INT. BASEMENT
JASON SIMMS and PAUL LISTER are looking into a poor-quality home video CAMERA. Both are boys in the highly delayed act of becoming men. JASON is the well-brought-up one who was a close runner-up for Most Likely To Succeed in the yearbook. PAUL is less conventional and less highly respected, except by girls, a group he is very skilled with, up to a point.
JASON
Hi, I’m Jason Simms.
(after a beat, prods PAUL)
Come on, say something.
PAUL
Uh, hey, I’m Paul Lister. It is now—
(to JASON)
What day is it?
JASON
Uh, Tuesday, I think.
(to the CAMERA)
We don’t have a calendar down here. But I think it’s about two o’clock
in the afternoon, and we’re about to begin the last phase of our lives
together.
PAUL
This is our last week before college, and we’re spending it entirely in
this basement, in a humble abode in Patterson Creek, Minnesota.
JASON
We’ve got, uh, supplies, and we’ve got each other. And, most importantly,
we’ve got this camera. Because we’re going to document the week.
PAUL
The last phase of our lives together, and we’re taping every second, and—and—
A "low battery" indicator has appeared.
PAUL
What—what’s that light mean?
JASON
The battery’s running out.
PAUL
Aw, damn it! We left the charger upstairs!
JASON
It's too late for supplies now.
PAUL
Y'know, this whole ‘documenting the week’ thing... screw it. Nobody
wants to see a movie about us anyway.
He gets up.
JASON
(after a pause)
Yeah, you’re right.
He reaches for a button.
BLACK
MUSIC: "O Canada"
MAIN TITLES.
INT. BASEMENT
We are now using a real CAMERA; the guys are no longer filming themselves. We are privy to their universe.
JASON
Well, here we are.
PAUL
Yeah. Now what?
JASON
I wish Alex were here. He always has a good idea.
PAUL
Alex... Remember how we were all feeling about this summer? Everything just
kind of changed from three months earlier.
TITLE CARD: Three months earlier...
EXT. PATTERSON CREEK HIGH SCHOOL — CURB — DAY
It is not long after graduation. ALEX BRENNER sits on the curb, watching part of his alma mater being torn down. ALEX is the most rational. He truly is the keystone of the circle of friends, someone who makes other people show their best sides and can make people comfortable just by being there. JASON and PAUL, his best friends, join him.
JASON
Hey, man... Haven’t seen you, in like, two days. Whatcha been up to since
graduation?
ALEX
Oh, drinking my sorrows away.
JASON
You don’t have any sorrows.
ALEX
(raising an eyebrow)
Then the alcohol must be working.
PAUL
(gesturing at the school)
I still can’t believe this.
JASON, PAUL and ALEX regard the school.
JASON
They’re tearing part of our school down. Think of all the time we spent
in there. All, all those memories. And they tear it down.
PAUL
Well, thank you, Jason. Now I've had my fill of angst for the day. Just a little
depression and an existential crisis or two and I'm all set. So, Alex, what’s
the big news you summoned us for?
ALEX
Well, I worked something out with my parents. I decided to get a job and all,
be productive, but...
PAUL
... but...
ALEX
But I’m free and clear for the last couple of weeks of the summer. The
road trip to Chicago is officially on!
JASON
All right! Chicago, here we come!
PAUL
What do we do until then?
JASON
Who cares? It’s summer!
ALEX
Well, at least it's the closest thing to summer that we get in Patterson Creek,
where a heat wave is if only six people freeze to death.
LAUGHTER.
INT. BASEMENT
LAUGHTER.
JASON
Good times with Alex. Before things went wrong.
PAUL
It was your fault, dude.
JASON
He overreacted.
PAUL
You made him react.
JASON
I may be the catalyst, but he’s the enzyme at fault.
PAUL
(amused)
So what’s Samantha?
JASON
A substrate with which I wish we had never gotten into reactions.
PAUL
(doing the touchdown symbol)
Metaphor complete! Touchdown, Jason Simms!
JASON
(mock humility)
You’re too kind.
They get up and look around.
PAUL
So... this is our home for the next week.
JASON
I know it’s a crappy excuse for a road trip to Chicago, but we might as
well get used to it... What do you say about a supply check?
PAUL
We have food of all kinds, mostly of the junk variety.
JASON
Three carloads in the pantry.
PAUL
A television, truly the greatest contribution science has made to modern society.
BOTH
(musically)
Amen!
JASON
And our schoolwork.
PAUL
(producing some textbooks and notebooks)
That’s right.
They toss the books across the room.
JASON
A couch and blanket for me, a sleeping bag for you.
PAUL
Yeah, why did I get the floor?
JASON
(sitting)
Because this is my house!
PAUL
Oh yeah.
JASON
(looking at the bathroom door)
And we have a toilet.
PAUL
And God forbid it ever cease to function.
JASON
(pointing)
And the most important piece of equipment of all—the CD player!
PAUL
(plunging himself onto the couch in despair)
Oh, God! You are not spend your whole week here listening to Veronica Bowman!
