EXT. COURTYARD
LEONARDO DARTHNIK sits confidently on a bench, finishing up his homework. JENNY goes up to him.
JENNY
Hey, Leonardo!
LEONARDO
Oh, hey.
JENNY
Did you guys win last night?
LEONARDO
We blasted them to Bespin!
JENNY
Oh, that’s great!
OBI-WAN and MOORE have shuffled out to watch.
MOORE
Who’s that?
OBI-WAN
His name’s Leonardo Darthnik. A nega-ball player. Popular, athletic, handsome.
All the girls love him.
MOORE
And you’re afraid she loves him, too?
OBI-WAN
Yeah.
MOORE
Dude, why don’t you just go over there and tell her how you feel? You’ve
had a crush on her for, like, ever.
OBI-WAN
Well, I, uh, er—because.
MOORE
What do you mean, because?
OBI-WAN
Because, because!
MOORE
Dude, you’re just a wimp!
OBI-WAN
(passing his hand in front of MOORE)
You will stop asking me these questions.
MOORE
I will stop asking you these questions.
OBI-WAN
I did it. I did it! I did the Jedi mind trick!
MOORE
No you didn’t. I’m just messing with your head, dude.
OBI-WAN looks extraordinarily pissed.
WIPE TO:
EXT. JEDI TEMPLE — ESTABLISHING SHOT
INT. JEDI TEMPLE — ENTRANCE HALL
MUSIC: Some of the Jedi Temple music from “The Phantom Menace”.
QUI-GON JINN waits for OBI-WAN, who enters.
OBI-WAN
I’m home, Master.
QUI-GON
I can see that, fool.
OBI-WAN
Master, I hate it there. I hate high school. I can’t stand another minute
of it. I don’t want to go there any more. I hate high school!
QUI-GON
Well, you only have two more months until grad—graduation. Then you will
stay with me and concentrate on your Padawan studies. Now, are you ready for
lightsaber training?
OBI-WAN
I can’t, I have math homework.
INT. JEDI COUNCIL CHAMBER
YODA, MACE WINDU and DEPA BILLABA sit on the Council. The other nine are mysteriously not shown.
MACE
Why have you come here, Qui-Gon Jinn?
QUI-GON
Obi-Wan’s senior prom is coming.
DEPA
Oh, no.
QUI-GON
If the girl he loves does not go with him, he may become filled with rage and
anger.
YODA
Then go together they must!
QUI-GON
This girl Jenny... she likes someone else. A nega-ball player.
MACE
A nega-ball player? We can’t compete with them! We’re the geek boys!
YODA
No, Mace Windu! Confidence you need! Hip and happening beings are we, not this
dork matter!
QUI-GON
With all due respect, Yoda, Jedi Knights aren’t exactly the most popular
people at high school.
DEPA
Morals and ethics can’t compare with good looks and lots of money!
QUI-GON
If Jenny says no, we COULD set him up with another Jedi Knight.
MACE
Adi Gallia would never agree to it.
YODA
And Yaddle—taken she is.
QUI-GON
That girl was our last hope!
YODA
No. There is another.
Everyone stares at DEPA.
DEPA
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
INT. OBI-WAN’S QUARTERS
OBI-WAN sits around uselessly. The COMLINK BUZZES.
OBI-WAN
Hello?
MOORE (V.O.)
Hey, Obi-Wan! It’s me.
OBI-WAN
Oh, hi, Moore.
MOORE (V.O.)
Look, I got a great idea for you. I know a guy who knows a friend of Jenny’s,
and he can get you two set up for the prom. He’s got one condition.
OBI-WAN
What?
MOORE (V.O.)
He wants naked pictures of—of Adi Gallia.
OBI-WAN
I can’t provide him with that.
MOORE (V.O.)
(after a beat)
Could you provide ME with that?
OBI-WAN
What?—No!—Look, I could, I could negotiate with him, after school...
What’s his name?
MOORE (V.O.)
The crime lord of P.S. 1138... Steve the Hutt.
RADIAL WIPE TO:
EXT. COURTYARD
LEONARDO shoves right past OBI-WAN.
LEONARDO
Move it, Jedi!
OBI-WAN
Hey! You! Wait a minute!
LEONARDO
What do you want?
OBI-WAN
I’ve been seeing you hanging out with Jenny Jade, and let me tell you,
I don’t like it. She’s mine, buddy. You keep away from her.
LEONARDO
Oh, yeah? What are you going to do about it?
OBI-WAN
(going for his lightsaber)
Wanna find out?
QUI-GON (V.O.)
No, Obi-Wan. A Jedi does not become a mindless killer.
OBI-WAN
I hate you, Qui-Gon!
LEONARDO
Who are you talking to?
OBI-WAN
(defiantly)
My Master.
A STUDENT
(passing by)
Watch out, Leonardo! He’s a big powerful Jedi!
ANOTHER STUDENT
He might use his hocus-pocus, um, death rays on you!
LEONARDO LAUGHS at OBI-WAN and shoves him over.
OBI-WAN
Master... why do we get made fun of so much?
QUI-GON (V.O.)
Search me.
OBI-WAN
Oh, thanks!
JENNY comes along.
JENNY
Obi-Wan? What are you doing on the ground like that?
OBI-WAN
Um, looking at the suns.
JENNY
(helping him up)
Come on, let’s go to class together.
OBI-WAN
Sounds like fun.
INT. CORRIDOR
MUSIC: "Jar Jar's Introduction".
JENNY
Don’t you sometimes just hate being a Jedi? Going home and practicing and
stuff?
OBI-WAN
I like to be in touch with the Force. And I like to help people. Being a Jedi
is good. I just wish people wouldn’t make fun of me for it.
MELVIN MELVIN SNERD, a Gungan, is in the hallway too.
MELVIN MELVIN
Yousa wanna join da dejarik club?
Suddenly IG-48, robot bully, appears.
JENNY
Oh, there’s that droid IG-48. I hate him. He’s so mean to everyone.
MELVIN MELVIN
IG-48! Yousa wanna join da dejarik club?!
IG-48
Prepare to die.
IG-48 starts beating the crap out of MELVIN MELVIN.
OBI-WAN
I gotta do something—
JENNY
Wait! No!
OBI-WAN jumps on top of IG-48 and pulls him away.
OBI-WAN
Leave him alone, you big bully!
INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DETENTION ROOM
MUSIC: “The Imperial March”.
